Amy Chua:
A Review of The Tiger Mom
Amy Chua, author of The Wall Street Journal’s essay Why Chinese Moms Are Superior, would have America believe that there is only one parenting model that facilitates successful children and that model is what she calls “Chinese parenting” ,an extreme form of an authoritarian parenting model, which encompasses a spirit of complete control over virtually every aspect of a child’s life. Chua acknowledges other Eastern cultures who could be included in her ”Chinese parenting” model such as some; Ghanaian, Korean, Indian, Jamaican and Irish parents. However, she decisively excludes what she calls “Western parenting”, believing Americans to be permissive and indulgent in parenting, and in doing so, implies that “Chinese parenting” is superior to “Western parenting”.
In my review of Amy Chua’s controversial essay, I will look into the identity of Amy Chua and the source of her belief system that inspired her to write the essay, Why Chinese Moms Are Superior. I will look at Amy Chua’s three main points she provides to show her belief of the superiority of “Chinese parenting” versus “Western parenting." In my review, I will show the positives and negatives associated with Chua’s view; a view that is passionate in committing to raising successful children, but fails to see the possible negative repercussions from such an extreme parenting model.
Looking at Amy Chua the first question that comes to mind is- Is she a professional in any field of child development or psychology? No, she is a Professor of Law at Yale and a mother of two daughters, ages 15 and 17 at the time she wrote Why Chinese Moms Are Superior. At the start of her essay, Chua writes, “…people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids…..Well I can tell you, because I’ve done it.” Despite her enthusiasm, Chua’s success claims are premature here as her children are still teenagers and therefore still in the process of being children. No sports athlete can claim to have won the race before crossing the finish line and Chua is still running the race in raising her girls. It is going to be a few years before she can cross that finish line! Amy Chua’s real basis for her knowledge of parenting is in Chua’s belief that she, herself, is a success and therefore her parents must have raised her the correct way.
Early in her essay, Amy Chua discusses her upbringing and how her father once called her “garbage” when she was acting disrespectful as a child and how she in turn called her daughter “garbage” for the same behavior. Chua rationalizes this act by making the first point of her argument, stating that Chinese parents assume strength in their children’s self-esteem and know that their kids can handle harsh criticism. Chua does not deny that she expects her child to feel shame from such criticism, she believes the shame will be motivating. Chua has strict academic standards and any grade less than an A is met with screaming insults. She tells a story of how her youngest daughter , Lulu, struggled to learn a piano piece and when Lulu did not master the piece the evening Chua expected her to, Chua refused to allow Lulu to leave the piano until Lulu had mastered it. Chua would not allow the child to eat her dinner, have any bathroom breaks or go to sleep, while Chua unleashed screaming insults at Lulu, calling Lulu “lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic”. Lulu did learn the piece that night, however, was the animosity Lulu was subjected to necessary and how will this experience affect her? Chua claims that “…the solution to substandard performance is always excoriate, punish and shame the child.” Chua criticizes “Western parents” for not telling their children the blunt truth of how their actions or academics are unacceptable and instead constantly worrying about their children’s feelings. What Chua neglects to mention are the Asian- American suicides that occur from the shame and humiliation of failing in their quests to achieve the perfection demanded of them by their strict parents. An article in New Times Media discusses how Asian- American college students prefer to not tell anyone about their feelings of shame in perceived failures and as a result has led to suicides over such things as an Asian-American student receiving their first B grade in a class.
Amy Chua shows another difference in the parenting styles when describing how all activities in “Chinese parenting” are completely controlled by the parent with all desires of the child being dismissed. “Chinese parenting” heavily stresses academics, and does not allow children to participate in extracurricular activities. Computer games, TV, school play participation, play dates, sleepovers and playing any instrument except a piano or violin are all forbidden. Chua claims that “Western parenting” , by being overly concerned with the child’s feelings, does not push children to accomplish all that they are capable of achieving and instead places blame for academic failure on teachers. She cites studies, which show Chinese parents commit more time and effort in tutoring their children and drilling academics, ten times longer each day than Western parents. American teachers are in agreement with Amy Chua on this one, as many are leaving the teaching profession after just four to five years, according to a CNN news article this year, citing “ issues with parents” as a reason. These teachers have struggled against Western parents who believe teachers are failing to teach their children, rather than considering that their child has not made enough academic effort and therefore received a poor grade.
Lastly, Amy Chua describes how in “Chinese parenting” the children are to be indebted to their parents for the rest of their life, honoring them by continuing to be obedient to them into adulthood and continuing to achieve the highest standards to make their parents proud. This belief comes from the parent’s view that they have committed so much time and effort to make their children successful that the child has an insurmountable debt to the parents. “Western parents”, in contrast believe their children are responsible for themselves and the children have when they become adults, Chua believes. However, in China, the sentiment of adult children being forever indebted to their parents is losing its validity. In 2011, Kim Peterson from MSN News wrote an article, concerning China, which showed a rise in elderly neglect and abuse by their adult children, which has caused the courts to allow elderly parents to sue their children. One man mentioned even forced his elderly mother to live in a pig pen for two years. One cannot help but wonder if the methods of excoriating, punishing and shaming the child through the “Chinese parenting” model could be damaging children and this suffering could grow into feelings of resentment in these adult children toward their parents, even escalating to acts of animosity in some cases. Maybe these children could not handle the harsh criticism Amy Chua insists children are capable of handling? Laura Brown, Psychology professor at the University of Washington states in one article:
“There’s this myth that kids are resilient. When they have good social support, they are. But when they’re subject to constant denigration, it’s different. When you tell them, ‘You’re ugly’, or ‘You’ll never amount to anything’ that’s the mirror they see themselves in…If we don’t raise children to be competent human beings, if we do not give them the tools to value themselves, and other people, then we’re in bad shape. Sometimes they just hurt themselves. But sometimes the way they cope is finding someone else to kick.”
Amy Chua set out to raise her children in what she believed would make them successful. However, Chua only uses a confident view of herself and the experience of her upbringing for her basis and in doing so, fails to see the possible negative repercussions from her methods of excoriating, punishing and shaming in her “Chinese parenting” model. Chua’s essay’s stereotyping of “Western parenting” and “Chinese parenting” pins these two models against each other. Perhaps, instead, I hope one day Chua will see the strengths of each model, and what each model can contribute to a balanced model of parenting that could pave the way to raising successful, happy children.
Works cited:
Cherry, Kendra. " Parenting Styles: The Four Styles of Parenting." Web. Psychology.about.com 14 March 2013
Chua, Amy. "The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mom." Web. AmyChua.com 14 March 2013
Clark, Ron. " What Teachers Really Want To Tell Parents." CNN.com CNN Living, Web. 14 March 2013
Peterson, Kim. " Visit Your Parents or Get Sued By Them." Money.msn.com MSN Money, Web. 28 Dec 2012, 14 March 2013
A Review of The Tiger Mom
Amy Chua, author of The Wall Street Journal’s essay Why Chinese Moms Are Superior, would have America believe that there is only one parenting model that facilitates successful children and that model is what she calls “Chinese parenting” ,an extreme form of an authoritarian parenting model, which encompasses a spirit of complete control over virtually every aspect of a child’s life. Chua acknowledges other Eastern cultures who could be included in her ”Chinese parenting” model such as some; Ghanaian, Korean, Indian, Jamaican and Irish parents. However, she decisively excludes what she calls “Western parenting”, believing Americans to be permissive and indulgent in parenting, and in doing so, implies that “Chinese parenting” is superior to “Western parenting”.
In my review of Amy Chua’s controversial essay, I will look into the identity of Amy Chua and the source of her belief system that inspired her to write the essay, Why Chinese Moms Are Superior. I will look at Amy Chua’s three main points she provides to show her belief of the superiority of “Chinese parenting” versus “Western parenting." In my review, I will show the positives and negatives associated with Chua’s view; a view that is passionate in committing to raising successful children, but fails to see the possible negative repercussions from such an extreme parenting model.
Looking at Amy Chua the first question that comes to mind is- Is she a professional in any field of child development or psychology? No, she is a Professor of Law at Yale and a mother of two daughters, ages 15 and 17 at the time she wrote Why Chinese Moms Are Superior. At the start of her essay, Chua writes, “…people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids…..Well I can tell you, because I’ve done it.” Despite her enthusiasm, Chua’s success claims are premature here as her children are still teenagers and therefore still in the process of being children. No sports athlete can claim to have won the race before crossing the finish line and Chua is still running the race in raising her girls. It is going to be a few years before she can cross that finish line! Amy Chua’s real basis for her knowledge of parenting is in Chua’s belief that she, herself, is a success and therefore her parents must have raised her the correct way.
Early in her essay, Amy Chua discusses her upbringing and how her father once called her “garbage” when she was acting disrespectful as a child and how she in turn called her daughter “garbage” for the same behavior. Chua rationalizes this act by making the first point of her argument, stating that Chinese parents assume strength in their children’s self-esteem and know that their kids can handle harsh criticism. Chua does not deny that she expects her child to feel shame from such criticism, she believes the shame will be motivating. Chua has strict academic standards and any grade less than an A is met with screaming insults. She tells a story of how her youngest daughter , Lulu, struggled to learn a piano piece and when Lulu did not master the piece the evening Chua expected her to, Chua refused to allow Lulu to leave the piano until Lulu had mastered it. Chua would not allow the child to eat her dinner, have any bathroom breaks or go to sleep, while Chua unleashed screaming insults at Lulu, calling Lulu “lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic”. Lulu did learn the piece that night, however, was the animosity Lulu was subjected to necessary and how will this experience affect her? Chua claims that “…the solution to substandard performance is always excoriate, punish and shame the child.” Chua criticizes “Western parents” for not telling their children the blunt truth of how their actions or academics are unacceptable and instead constantly worrying about their children’s feelings. What Chua neglects to mention are the Asian- American suicides that occur from the shame and humiliation of failing in their quests to achieve the perfection demanded of them by their strict parents. An article in New Times Media discusses how Asian- American college students prefer to not tell anyone about their feelings of shame in perceived failures and as a result has led to suicides over such things as an Asian-American student receiving their first B grade in a class.
Amy Chua shows another difference in the parenting styles when describing how all activities in “Chinese parenting” are completely controlled by the parent with all desires of the child being dismissed. “Chinese parenting” heavily stresses academics, and does not allow children to participate in extracurricular activities. Computer games, TV, school play participation, play dates, sleepovers and playing any instrument except a piano or violin are all forbidden. Chua claims that “Western parenting” , by being overly concerned with the child’s feelings, does not push children to accomplish all that they are capable of achieving and instead places blame for academic failure on teachers. She cites studies, which show Chinese parents commit more time and effort in tutoring their children and drilling academics, ten times longer each day than Western parents. American teachers are in agreement with Amy Chua on this one, as many are leaving the teaching profession after just four to five years, according to a CNN news article this year, citing “ issues with parents” as a reason. These teachers have struggled against Western parents who believe teachers are failing to teach their children, rather than considering that their child has not made enough academic effort and therefore received a poor grade.
Lastly, Amy Chua describes how in “Chinese parenting” the children are to be indebted to their parents for the rest of their life, honoring them by continuing to be obedient to them into adulthood and continuing to achieve the highest standards to make their parents proud. This belief comes from the parent’s view that they have committed so much time and effort to make their children successful that the child has an insurmountable debt to the parents. “Western parents”, in contrast believe their children are responsible for themselves and the children have when they become adults, Chua believes. However, in China, the sentiment of adult children being forever indebted to their parents is losing its validity. In 2011, Kim Peterson from MSN News wrote an article, concerning China, which showed a rise in elderly neglect and abuse by their adult children, which has caused the courts to allow elderly parents to sue their children. One man mentioned even forced his elderly mother to live in a pig pen for two years. One cannot help but wonder if the methods of excoriating, punishing and shaming the child through the “Chinese parenting” model could be damaging children and this suffering could grow into feelings of resentment in these adult children toward their parents, even escalating to acts of animosity in some cases. Maybe these children could not handle the harsh criticism Amy Chua insists children are capable of handling? Laura Brown, Psychology professor at the University of Washington states in one article:
“There’s this myth that kids are resilient. When they have good social support, they are. But when they’re subject to constant denigration, it’s different. When you tell them, ‘You’re ugly’, or ‘You’ll never amount to anything’ that’s the mirror they see themselves in…If we don’t raise children to be competent human beings, if we do not give them the tools to value themselves, and other people, then we’re in bad shape. Sometimes they just hurt themselves. But sometimes the way they cope is finding someone else to kick.”
Amy Chua set out to raise her children in what she believed would make them successful. However, Chua only uses a confident view of herself and the experience of her upbringing for her basis and in doing so, fails to see the possible negative repercussions from her methods of excoriating, punishing and shaming in her “Chinese parenting” model. Chua’s essay’s stereotyping of “Western parenting” and “Chinese parenting” pins these two models against each other. Perhaps, instead, I hope one day Chua will see the strengths of each model, and what each model can contribute to a balanced model of parenting that could pave the way to raising successful, happy children.
Works cited:
Cherry, Kendra. " Parenting Styles: The Four Styles of Parenting." Web. Psychology.about.com 14 March 2013
Chua, Amy. "The Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mom." Web. AmyChua.com 14 March 2013
Clark, Ron. " What Teachers Really Want To Tell Parents." CNN.com CNN Living, Web. 14 March 2013
Peterson, Kim. " Visit Your Parents or Get Sued By Them." Money.msn.com MSN Money, Web. 28 Dec 2012, 14 March 2013