Complete Success At Causing Utter Failure:
How A Narrow View of Success Can Sabotage Achieving Success
The Mind is a tricky thing. It takes views one may, or may not, be aware of having and applies them to all that he or she does. In my case, I have what seems to be an ‘all or nothing’ view of ‘complete success versus utter failure’ that I am battling. Allowing myself to succumb to such a view not only slows down, but can stop my progress altogether, especially with new experiences. This view will be my greatest struggle as I embark on my new college venture.
I sit paralyzed by a fear of failure staring at a blank piece of notebook paper, imagining everything, anything, I could be doing except writing this first paper for Honors English class. Intimidation fills me as I have never taken “honors” anything, ever. It wasn’t even a possibility in my mind, but here I am.
Convinced fresh air will help, I open a window. The rabbits may need to be fed. Yes, I should do that. No, the rabbits are fine. I am procrastinating.
Willing myself to sit; I return to the paper. This paper needs to be strong. It must renew my faith in my abilities and prove that I am more than I have believed of myself these last nine years. Nine years ago, I left an eight year career in nursing to become a stay-at-home mom. This undertaking, while it benefited my children and me greatly, did not provide the mental stimulation that my career had.
Placing such immense importance on the success of a paper is not a good approach. The anxiety from the pressure is effectively working to my detriment. “If I cannot produce a work of redeeming perfection then I don’t want to start this essay. I don’t want to write it at all.”, I think to myself,” Isn’t that the safest choice?” I could think to myself that if I had written such a piece, it would be amazing. Using the excuse, the lie that I chose not to write the essay, frees me from judgment by my peers and ultimately judgment of myself by myself. My ‘complete success or utter failure’ thinking cannot apply to what I have not tried!
When I have spoken to close friends about my series of perceived failures I dwell on, a common response is that such experiences in life should strengthen me. While it is a nice sentiment to believe; it certainly works for Hallmark cards, the truth for me is my experience with failure has made me fearful and even reclusive at times. This ‘complete success or utter failure’ mentality allows for no middle ground. It diminishes the importance of the courage required to venture into the unfamiliar and it discounts the discoveries and personal growth that can be experienced while enduring, albeit not succeeding, to reach the end of the journey.
G.K. Chesterton once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” Writing this paper is worth doing, even if the grade I receive is not that coveted perfect grade. Reading and writing have always been enjoyable for me and at times even a therapeutic source of solace. Producing the next great American best-selling novel may not be in my future, but going back to college and finding a career to pursue are in that future. I know I will continue to battle my ‘complete success or utter failure’ thinking throughout my Honors English class and most likely, throughout my entire college venture. Old, established ways of thinking take time to change, but this pursuit of education is worth facing the challenge and I am only truly defeated when I stop trying.
How A Narrow View of Success Can Sabotage Achieving Success
The Mind is a tricky thing. It takes views one may, or may not, be aware of having and applies them to all that he or she does. In my case, I have what seems to be an ‘all or nothing’ view of ‘complete success versus utter failure’ that I am battling. Allowing myself to succumb to such a view not only slows down, but can stop my progress altogether, especially with new experiences. This view will be my greatest struggle as I embark on my new college venture.
I sit paralyzed by a fear of failure staring at a blank piece of notebook paper, imagining everything, anything, I could be doing except writing this first paper for Honors English class. Intimidation fills me as I have never taken “honors” anything, ever. It wasn’t even a possibility in my mind, but here I am.
Convinced fresh air will help, I open a window. The rabbits may need to be fed. Yes, I should do that. No, the rabbits are fine. I am procrastinating.
Willing myself to sit; I return to the paper. This paper needs to be strong. It must renew my faith in my abilities and prove that I am more than I have believed of myself these last nine years. Nine years ago, I left an eight year career in nursing to become a stay-at-home mom. This undertaking, while it benefited my children and me greatly, did not provide the mental stimulation that my career had.
Placing such immense importance on the success of a paper is not a good approach. The anxiety from the pressure is effectively working to my detriment. “If I cannot produce a work of redeeming perfection then I don’t want to start this essay. I don’t want to write it at all.”, I think to myself,” Isn’t that the safest choice?” I could think to myself that if I had written such a piece, it would be amazing. Using the excuse, the lie that I chose not to write the essay, frees me from judgment by my peers and ultimately judgment of myself by myself. My ‘complete success or utter failure’ thinking cannot apply to what I have not tried!
When I have spoken to close friends about my series of perceived failures I dwell on, a common response is that such experiences in life should strengthen me. While it is a nice sentiment to believe; it certainly works for Hallmark cards, the truth for me is my experience with failure has made me fearful and even reclusive at times. This ‘complete success or utter failure’ mentality allows for no middle ground. It diminishes the importance of the courage required to venture into the unfamiliar and it discounts the discoveries and personal growth that can be experienced while enduring, albeit not succeeding, to reach the end of the journey.
G.K. Chesterton once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” Writing this paper is worth doing, even if the grade I receive is not that coveted perfect grade. Reading and writing have always been enjoyable for me and at times even a therapeutic source of solace. Producing the next great American best-selling novel may not be in my future, but going back to college and finding a career to pursue are in that future. I know I will continue to battle my ‘complete success or utter failure’ thinking throughout my Honors English class and most likely, throughout my entire college venture. Old, established ways of thinking take time to change, but this pursuit of education is worth facing the challenge and I am only truly defeated when I stop trying.